Technology and digital safety

You might notice that the person:

• knows where you've been, or turns up where you are, without you telling them
• knows about private messages, calls, searches or conversations
• insists on knowing your passwords, or checks your phone
• controls shared accounts, such as email, cloud storage, banking or phone contracts
• uses smart home devices, cameras or doorbells to watch or unsettle you
• sends repeated messages, or contacts you through new accounts after being blocked

None of these on its own proves anything. If it feels like a pattern, your concern is valid and it's worth talking it through with someone.

If someone may be checking your phone or computer, it can be safer to use a different device, such as a trusted friend's phone, a work computer or a library computer.

Private or incognito browsing stops some history being saved on that device. It doesn't stop monitoring software, and it doesn't hide you from your internet provider or a shared network.

The quick exit button on this site takes you to another page quickly. It can't erase your browser history or guarantee your safety on a monitored device. What quick exit can and can't do.

Location can be shared through phone settings, family-sharing features, map apps, fitness apps, or small tracking tags hidden in a bag, coat or car.

Many phones can show an alert if an unknown tracking tag seems to be travelling with you. If you find a tracker, you might want advice before removing it. The police may be able to use it as evidence, and removing it could be noticed.

If someone knows your passwords or set up your accounts, they may be able to see your messages, photos, location or contacts. This can happen through cloud backups, forwarding rules on email, or devices still signed in to your account.

Many accounts let you see which devices are signed in. Checking quietly is usually less noticeable than changing things. If you're thinking of changing passwords, a specialist can help you decide when and how.

Some apps can be installed to secretly read messages, record calls or share location. Signs might include apps you don't recognise, or the person knowing things they shouldn't. A fast-draining battery or a slow phone can have many ordinary causes, so they aren't proof on their own.

Refuge's tech safety team has step-by-step guides and can help you think through checking a device: Refuge Tech Safety.

Across the UK, sharing intimate images of someone without their consent, or threatening to, is a crime. It isn't your fault, whatever the circumstances in which the images were taken.

The Revenge Porn Helpline offers free, confidential support for adults in the UK, including help getting images taken down. StopNCII.org can help stop images being shared on some platforms, without the images leaving your device.

Read more about the law: Control and stalking.

Repeated messages, fake profiles, posting about you, or contacting your family, friends or workplace can be part of stalking or harassment.

If and when it feels safe, some people keep screenshots with dates. You don't have to. Keeping a private record explains ways to do this that are harder for someone else to find.

Devices or gifts given to children can sometimes be used to share location or messages. Parental-control and family-sharing apps can also show where a child is.

If you're worried, a specialist service can help you think about what to check without upsetting your child or alerting the other person. Protecting children.