Understand what's happening

Coercive control & stalking

Two of the most common — and most missed — forms of abuse. Neither needs a single act of violence to be a crime.

If you are in immediate danger, call 999.

If you can't speak, dial 999 then press 55. Stalking is a pattern that can escalate quickly — the National Stalking Helpline is 0808 802 0300, and the 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline is 0808 2000 247.

Information only. This is not legal advice. Court procedures and the law change. Always confirm with a solicitor, Citizens Advice, or a domestic abuse advocate before acting.

In plain English

Coercive control is when someone uses a pattern of behaviour to run your life and keep you afraid — money, phones, who you see, what you wear, threats. Since 2015 that pattern is a criminal offence in its own right, even if they have never laid a finger on you.

Stalking is repeated, unwanted attention that makes you frightened or badly affects your day-to-day life. It is not "just" texting. It is a separate crime, and it very often starts or gets worse after you leave.

Both are judged on the pattern, not on one incident. That is why a dated record of small things matters so much — it is the evidence.

Does this sound like coercive control?

You do not need all of these. One or two, happening over and over, is a pattern.

They decide what you spend, check receipts, or keep your wages, benefits or bank card.
They track where you are — phone location, calls to check up, turning up unannounced.
They decide who you see, and it's easier to cancel on family and friends than deal with the fallout.
They read your phone, your messages, your emails, or make you share passwords.
They control what you wear, eat, or when you sleep.
They threaten to hurt themselves, you, the children, or a pet if you leave.
They tell you no one will believe you, that you're mentally ill, or that you'd lose the children.
They stop you working or studying, or sabotage the job or the course.
They control your immigration papers, passport, medication, or access to a doctor.
You change your behaviour constantly to avoid setting them off.

Does this sound like stalking?

Stalking is often described as FOUR: Fixated, Obsessive, Unwanted, Repeated.

Repeated calls, texts, DMs or emails after you asked them to stop — including from new numbers or fake accounts.
Turning up at your home, work, school gate, gym or places you always go.
Following you, or arranging to 'bump into' you.
Watching or monitoring you — trackers on the car, spyware on the phone, cameras, checking your online activity.
Contacting your family, friends, employer or children's school to get to you.
Ordering things to your address, cancelling your appointments, or interfering with your property.
Threats, or gifts and messages that are meant to look loving but make you afraid.

What to do next

1. Start a dated log. Date, time, what happened, who saw it, how it made you feel. Keep it somewhere they cannot reach. How to keep a safe record.
2. Keep, don't delete. Screenshots showing the number or account and the date, call logs, delivery notes, doorbell footage. Back it up off your phone.
3. Check your devices and accounts. Location sharing, shared cloud accounts, family plans, car trackers. Change passwords from a device they have never had access to — only when it is safe to do so.
4. Report it as a pattern. Give police the whole timeline, not the last incident. Ask them to record it as coercive control or stalking and to complete a DASH risk assessment. Your rights with the police.
5. Ask about protection. A Stalking Protection Order, a non-molestation order, or a restraining order can all bar contact. Work out which order fits.
6. Get specialist support. An independent advocate (IDVA or ISVA, or a stalking advocate) can push things along with you. Find help near you.

The legal detail

The exact law, in full. You don't need to read this to use the page above.

Controlling or coercive behaviour

s.76 Serious Crime Act 2015 — controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship. The behaviour must be repeated or continuous and have a serious effect on you (fear of violence on at least two occasions, or serious alarm or distress with a substantial adverse effect on your usual day-to-day activities). Maximum 5 years' imprisonment.
s.68 Domestic Abuse Act 2021 — removed the "living together" requirement, so s.76 now covers ex-partners and family members who no longer live with you.
s.1 Domestic Abuse Act 2021 — the statutory definition of domestic abuse, which expressly includes controlling or coercive behaviour, economic abuse and psychological abuse.

Stalking and harassment

s.2A Protection from Harassment Act 1997 — stalking. A course of conduct (two or more occasions) amounting to harassment where the acts are associated with stalking. Summary offence: the magistrates' maximum is 12 months' custody (last checked August 2026 — this cap has changed several times since 2022).
s.4A Protection from Harassment Act 1997 — stalking involving fear of violence, or serious alarm or distress. Maximum 10 years' imprisonment, raised from 5 years by the Policing and Crime Act 2017.
s.2 and s.4 PHA 1997 — harassment, and putting a person in fear of violence, where the conduct is not "stalking" behaviour.
Stalking Protection Act 2019 — Stalking Protection Orders. Police apply to the magistrates' court; the order can ban contact and approach and impose positive requirements. Breach is a criminal offence with a maximum of 5 years.
s.360 Sentencing Act 2020 — restraining orders, which a criminal court can make on conviction or acquittal.

In the family court

Practice Direction 12J requires the family court to consider whether domestic abuse — expressly including coercive and controlling behaviour — has happened before it decides child arrangements, and to consider a fact-finding hearing. Abuse does not have to be proved beyond reasonable doubt there; the test is the balance of probabilities. What family courts have to prove.