Where you might be
I'm not sure if this is abuse
You don't need to be sure, and you don't need proof, to read this page. Lots of people feel confused for a long time before anything makes sense.
If you're in danger right now
Call 999. Can't speak? Listen, cough or tap if you can, and on a mobile press 55 when an automated message asks. Free, 24/7 helpline: 0808 2000 247.
General information only. This does not replace advice from a solicitor or specialist domestic abuse service about your own situation. The law and court procedures differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, and they change.
- Sources last checked:
- not yet re-checked against current law
- Qualified legal review:
- pending, please check details with a solicitor or advocate before relying on them
What this can involve
- Feeling like you're always wrong, always apologising, or walking on eggshells.
- Being checked on, questioned, or needing permission for ordinary things.
- Money, friends, work or your phone being controlled or monitored.
- Being told you're imagining things, or that your memory is wrong.
- Feeling frightened of someone's moods, even if they've never hit you.
Safety first
- You don't have to decide anything today. Understanding comes first.
- If you look things up, think about whether anyone checks your phone, computer or browsing history.
- If you talk to someone, choose a person and a time that feel safe.
Three steps you could take
In any order, over any timescale. One is enough.
Read about the patterns
Our gentle guide explains control, gaslighting and other behaviours in plain English.
Notice how you feel
Feeling scared, confused or constantly on edge is information. You don't have to act on it yet.
Talk it through, if you want
A helpline worker can help you make sense of things. You can stay anonymous and say as little as you like.
Blank downloads
Nothing to sign up for. Downloads open in your browser, only save them somewhere safe.