Where you might be
I've left, but the abuse hasn't stopped
Leaving often doesn't end it. Messages, threats, turning up, using the children or money, this is post-separation abuse, and it's recognised as a continuation of the same abuse. You're not overreacting, and help still applies to you.
If you're in danger right now
Call 999. Can't speak? Listen, cough or tap if you can, and on a mobile press 55 when an automated message asks. Free, 24/7 helpline: 0808 2000 247.
General information only. This does not replace advice from a solicitor or specialist domestic abuse service about your own situation. The law and court procedures differ between England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, and they change.
- Sources last checked:
- not yet re-checked against current law
- Qualified legal review:
- pending, please check details with a solicitor or advocate before relying on them
What this can involve
- Repeated messages, calls, or turning up, sometimes framed as concern or about the children.
- Using child contact, maintenance or court to keep control.
- Money abuse: withholding maintenance, running up debts, or controlling benefits.
- Stalking, online, in person, or through other people.
- Feeling like nobody takes it seriously because 'you've left now'.
Safety first
- Keep treating your safety as a live issue, risk can stay high or rise after separation.
- Be careful about what you respond to. You don't have to reply to everything, and a record matters more than a reply.
- If contact is only supposed to be about the children, it's okay to keep it that way.
Three steps you could take
In any order, over any timescale. One is enough.
Keep a record, if it's safe
Dates, times, screenshots stored somewhere safe. A pattern on paper is taken more seriously than separate incidents.
Tell someone official
Police, your solicitor, or an advocate. Post-separation abuse and stalking are crimes, what you're experiencing has a name in law.
Get an advocate in your corner
An IDVA or ISAC can help with safety planning, police and court, free, and they stay with you through it.
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